Okay. Let’s start with an Australian classic. They call it Passion Pop. I call it filth. Four dollars a bottle and more than capable of getting more than one adult human drunk. This chemical inebriator shit, because to call it a beverage is an insult to real drinks, is pretty much a signifier that a person is that dull that they don’t care how they get drunk.

It’s cheap. Not always a bad thing; I do appreciate a bargain and know the value of money. But this is filth. There are better drinks at the same price that are actually respectable alternatives in the white wine and sparkling white wine* range. I am probably coming off fairly elitist and opinionated here, but anyone who has read my other work should have come here expecting this.

Getting drunk for the sake of reckless oblivion is a concept I struggle to understand. Having been brought up around bar staff and security guards I have seen first-hand the effects of alcoholism, idiots and drunkenness in general. Some people may drink to escape their lives but this concept is like not eating any food if you want to lose weight; it will do nothing more than fuck you up further.

So with that aside, assured that I’ve probably offended someone who’ll tell you on the merits of Passion Pop’s “taste”**. Screw it. Onto the next subject!

Casks. Not entirely disrespectable, but still something I shy away from because of their inferior quality and the locale in which I work. If it’s real wine, okay, l’ll pay that it’s a bargain, and actual wines can get quite expensive otherwise. Fruity lexia*** does not count, as it again, is shit, typically mixed with lemonade to provide the similar effect of the aforementioned shite Passion Pop: wholesale drunkenness.

It’s okay to shop frugal, and I admit to having done it myself; taking the non-premium product over the premium, because let’s face it, alcohol prices are ridiculous now. Something I blame the current teenagers/people in their earlier 20′s for. Literally, it is your fault you delinquent motherfuckers. And the politicians who want nothing but more tax money. If they really cared about health they’d put more into health and education. I doubt we’d really miss whatever global clusterfuck super-bomb military R&D is working on. “Defence spending” is a ridiculous portion of the budget

But I’m off topic. This is a rant about cheapshit booze. I’ll try to keep the angry socio-political stuff to Something Wicked.

I was asked today: “what’s wrong with Passion Pop?” at work when I half-laughed-half-snarled my answer of ‘no’ to their asking if we sell it. If you have to ask that question, obviously you’re part of the problem the last five hundred or so words were about. Except for the politicians.

Until next time, have a good one and I hope to serve you again.

* – Due to recent developments, unless it comes from the Champagne province of France, it is not champagne. It is sparkling White wine. Failure to recognise the difference in your advertising may result in lawsuit

** – Usually said by heretics that drink it as some justification for their drunkenness, but I am assured the taste is quite nice. Shame I shall never deign to find out.

*** – Cheap, nasty sweet “wine” served primarily in casks. It has no real quality as a wine and is overall, horrible. It is mixed with lemonade to provide bubbles to add to the inebriating effect. I believe the phrase used in Australia is “goon”. Americans would use the phrase ‘wino’ to describe the alcoholics who partake of this.

I somewhat apologise if this has offended you, but alcoholism and it’s effects are major societal issues, and I witness some of it at it’s worst in person. If you think you have an alcohol problem, consult your doctor, call alcoholic support lines, and put your photo at the local liquor store with a ‘do not serve’ notice. You can quit. You don’t need your addiction to keep hurting you and those around you.

Hi, I’m Bottlebro. What can I get for you?